It's Been A while....

I know I haven't written in a minute on here and my goal was to write regularly to help myself. I've been busy and really haven't gotten to the computer like I would like to. My cell phone is equipped to receive my emails and such so sometimes I don't even look at a desktop when I don't have to. Away from all of that I'm excited. May is less than 24 hours away and that begins graduation season. I've actually gotten invites for two or three in different states so a lot of my weekend time is gone for the rest of the month. That's not a problem for me I enjoy seeing people hit the start of their transition from college into that next phase.


Back to me.... I feel as if I need to move to the next phase also... I'm not getting younger and yet I'm still not doing what I feel I should be doing. Sometimes I think that if I took a job that paid about the same but allowed me a little more time to do what I wanted that I would fill more fulfilled and actually get more out of life. I might not be able to have all the material things I wanted but I would be living the way I now I should be..... Since I need to invest I must invest in the best thing I'll have for a long time..... ME.

Reality Strikes

this morning I woke up and noticed that my stomach was sticking further out than my chest. I know this last weekend I partied hard and such but damn. If I ever needed motivation to stop eating so much and sleeping all day then this is it... I'm out I gotta do some crunches and push ups...

Tatted Up

Every since I was 17 I've had an idea on 'if' I was to ever get a tattoo what it would be. By the time I was half way through college I had done a complete blueprint on what tattoos I wanted, locations on the body, and even researched where to get these tattoos done based on design and the type of tattoo I wanted. To this day though I haven't gotten anything beyond those multi-week Henna tattoos, and that was when I was still in college. I can't really put my finger on why I even want a tattoo or multiple ones for that matter. When I step back and try to figure it out I don't see the necessity for any, yet a voice keeps telling me that if I get one or two or nine that it would be a much deeper experience than just ink on your skin. These symbols,pictures,words would be a representation of my life, goals, ambitions, etc. without me ever having to open my mouth and explain.

Mr. Stepback Logic: ..people will judge you unfairly because of these and it will keep your options scarce when it comes to work and networking.

Me: Clearly that happens on a regular basis for me regardless
S.L.: Then you def. don't need anything else holding you back from your goals
Me: Anyone who would judge me that quickly doesn't deserve my talents or time
S.L.: Say that when you're looking for a job or advancement in your career
Me: I guess.. There are so many career paths when having tattoos won't hold me back
S.L.: Most of them involve a job where you name is sewn onto your shirt
Me: {counterpoint}
S.L.: {counterpoint}


I know I just broke into an internal dialogue but that's how it goes back and forth all the time. Yet all of this is mute because I don't have the disposable income needed to just go out and get well done tattoos at a moment's notice. I mean if they were really that important to me I'd probably would have saved up the money and gotten them done. Only the future can tell what's going to happen.


if i do get some I'll def. post some pics

Living in the Moment

I think I've used that line many times to validate why I'm doing things that I know will have a negative effect on me or the people around me in the future. Yet I still believe that without you can't really complete goals in your life. I look back at my near past and can see that I did some things that have the possibility of being a hindrance to completing my goals and living how I need and want to live. A person should always be aware of the situations you create yourself and if it fits into your plan. Once you focus too much on the past and the future you lose sight of the gifts and oppurtunities that arise for you to follow your path where ever it may lead you. I know that right now in my life I've take the 'Living in the Moment' idea was past where I should have and by doing so did things that have messed up other people's lives. A mentor of mine stresses the 7P's Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Take the time now to get your stuff in order. That way when the future comes you won't have to look back and say damn I coulda had everything straight and on-point.

My first step to doing what I need to do and doing what's good for me even when it involves cutting ties and moving on from different people or situations that I've gotten involved with and aren't travelling on the same paths, or in the same transportations, or at the same speed.


When it comes to starting to get your life right remember this: I'M ALL I GOT....
(I'm not saying forsake for friends and loved ones who are trying to help, but if you don't want to get better then all the work and time they put in is for naught.....)






currently listening to: Say Hello by Jay-Z

Committed to Myself

I just read another blog ,http://www.hrjr.blogspot.com, one of the entries was on Being Interested vs. Being Committed.... Man did that hit home. I never looked at the improvements I tried to make in my life in that manner before. When I did a quick evaluation I found that many of the things I needed to handle I was really only Interested in improving them or making changes in them. Whereas all the material wants I was def. Committed to fixing them. When I was younger I will say that was based on my surroundings... I wanted what other people had, even though I had enough for me, and that stayed with me until college. I became more aware of my actions and my thought process but didn't follow through to make these changes I wanted for myself a daily truth in my life. So now I feel as if I'm back in the same situation I was in before I got to college and doing things all for material gain and want..... It makes me think of this quote Matthew 16:26 "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

I know I'm worth enough to be Committed to make the changes I need.


"... if life was easy then everyone would enjoy it..."